(no subject)
Oct. 22nd, 2003 10:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jadegirlSir and I are going to a party tomorrow - how's that for out of character? It's at a pottery studio in Chelsea, and if we buy a cup, they fill it as many times as we like. Considering we're both complete suckers for pottery, and Sir is always looking for a mug that will fit his hand, I don't think that will be a problem. I just hope they have good taste in beer, as we're also beer snobs. Considering that it's an open invite, I doubt we'll know anyone there (we know all of four or five people in the entire city, truly) but if it doesn't appeal to us, we can always duck out quickly and got back to being hermits.
Luckily, just in time![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
_bia_ had a wonderful suggestion for when people ask me what I do - "renaissance woman". That's *perfect*! Not only do I find it terribly amusing, it's actually perfectly accurate, and has enough room for all of me, not just one aspect. That makes me really happy.
I've been a bit jittery/tense/anxious/down for the past couple of days, with no real trigger for it. I'm thinking about going back on a multivitamin and maybe adding a B-complex into that. Lack of sunlight always affects me strongly, and my diet isn't the greatest right now - not enough fruit and vegatables, which is hysterical, considering that we get a box of organic produce sent to our door weekly. The fruit, I must admit, is usually used for baking, you should see the Last Harvest pie I made yesterday, it's a real beauty.
I've also been thinking a great deal about the work I have set myself, stopping the old tapes that play in my mind, coming from ancient history and having no purpose but to leech the joy from the present. I have a lot of trouble with those, and with my sundry self-esteem issues, but they're really the same thing, in the end. I'd been thinking about how I write a lot about them, and have gotten myself to the point where I can recognize them easily, but I don't feel I've gotten very far in addressing them on their own.
Part of the solution is therapy, of course. Probably after the new year - there have been a couple of nasty financial surprises in regards to Sirs computer and car, and with the holidays coming up, we're wanting to save money up for presents, plus siphon a little money into getting supplies to get my business going. Plus, the downtime after the holidays will make scheduling easier, and be just in time to help me deal with February. However, pushing it 'off' until I'm in therapy is damned silly, and I've done it too long now. Even in therapy the work is going to come from me, so why not start now? But where *to* start?
I expect meditation will play a major role. I've heard meditation described as "the act of making friends with yourself", and while I don't feel I have a developed understanding of that phrase, I think on some level it's describing the act of just sitting there, silent, just observing your own mind. Not who you'd like to be, or who you're going to become after this class, or that excercise program, or even that haircut, but who you are at *that* moment. You just sit there, with yourself. No escape, no excuses, and most important - no apologies. You sit with yourself, and you see yourself...And you accept yourself. After all, I can accept with ease and grace the most onerous demands any owner of mine has placed upon me, why should I be unable to accept myself with all my beauty and flaws with the same grace? Accepting them doesn't mean I don't try and make myself better than I am, it just means I don't punish myself or dwell too much on what I am *now*.
I know there's more work involved than simply meditation and therapy - I expect writing will be a major tool. However, damned if I can think of what else (suggestions, anyone?), hopefully the next steps will become clear in time, as I start clearing away the trash at the roots.
Luckily, just in time
_bia_ had a wonderful suggestion for when people ask me what I do - "renaissance woman". That's *perfect*! Not only do I find it terribly amusing, it's actually perfectly accurate, and has enough room for all of me, not just one aspect. That makes me really happy. I've been a bit jittery/tense/anxious/down for the past couple of days, with no real trigger for it. I'm thinking about going back on a multivitamin and maybe adding a B-complex into that. Lack of sunlight always affects me strongly, and my diet isn't the greatest right now - not enough fruit and vegatables, which is hysterical, considering that we get a box of organic produce sent to our door weekly. The fruit, I must admit, is usually used for baking, you should see the Last Harvest pie I made yesterday, it's a real beauty.
I've also been thinking a great deal about the work I have set myself, stopping the old tapes that play in my mind, coming from ancient history and having no purpose but to leech the joy from the present. I have a lot of trouble with those, and with my sundry self-esteem issues, but they're really the same thing, in the end. I'd been thinking about how I write a lot about them, and have gotten myself to the point where I can recognize them easily, but I don't feel I've gotten very far in addressing them on their own.
Part of the solution is therapy, of course. Probably after the new year - there have been a couple of nasty financial surprises in regards to Sirs computer and car, and with the holidays coming up, we're wanting to save money up for presents, plus siphon a little money into getting supplies to get my business going. Plus, the downtime after the holidays will make scheduling easier, and be just in time to help me deal with February. However, pushing it 'off' until I'm in therapy is damned silly, and I've done it too long now. Even in therapy the work is going to come from me, so why not start now? But where *to* start?
I expect meditation will play a major role. I've heard meditation described as "the act of making friends with yourself", and while I don't feel I have a developed understanding of that phrase, I think on some level it's describing the act of just sitting there, silent, just observing your own mind. Not who you'd like to be, or who you're going to become after this class, or that excercise program, or even that haircut, but who you are at *that* moment. You just sit there, with yourself. No escape, no excuses, and most important - no apologies. You sit with yourself, and you see yourself...And you accept yourself. After all, I can accept with ease and grace the most onerous demands any owner of mine has placed upon me, why should I be unable to accept myself with all my beauty and flaws with the same grace? Accepting them doesn't mean I don't try and make myself better than I am, it just means I don't punish myself or dwell too much on what I am *now*.
I know there's more work involved than simply meditation and therapy - I expect writing will be a major tool. However, damned if I can think of what else (suggestions, anyone?), hopefully the next steps will become clear in time, as I start clearing away the trash at the roots.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Glad you like the
Date: 2003-10-23 01:27 pm (UTC)I also like the term "chatelaine," though I suspect most people would misunderstand. But a true chatelaine was the economic as well as domestic manager of a large household/feudal holding, with the keys to the treasury as well as her own responsibilities for contributing the castle's economy, and it seems to me to well describe the balance of your service in Sir's household and your efforts to expand the base of your collective economy.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-23 11:42 pm (UTC)if i had something of value for you.. i'll let you know.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-24 04:58 am (UTC)But where *to* start?
http://www.help-yourself.com/index.html
http://www.selfgrowth.com/index.html