"All these storms are now behind us..."
Jun. 18th, 2003 04:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jadegirlWhat day *is* it, anyway? Ah. The 18th. Sir and I will be leaving town this Saturday, and I will be back in ten days, he will be gone a fortnight. Over that time, my birthday and our anniversary will happen. The first is the 27th, the second the....I can never remember....the 24thish?
Shopping for cards today, just my luck, the store was in the midst of re-stocking, so the selection was rather paltry. I did find one for my niece (10 on the 29th), and spent a good 1/2 hour looking through for a card for Sir. It's always hard to find one with an appropriate sentiment that doesn't use words like 'married', husband', or 'wife'. Interestingly, though, I saw quite a few cards geared for lesbians and gays. I almost picked one up, till I realized no, no, while the other figure does have biceps as developed as my own, it is, indeed, male.:) (Buff Jade) (Actually, the word 'companion' felt wrong, coming from me. I take these things entirely to seriously, I know, but people do love the cards I give) While looking through the cards, I indulged in some nostalgia...
The first night together was a Friday night. To this day, we refer to it as The Night From Hell. I knew A had arranged for *something*, but had no idea what. I had just returned from an emergency trip to Philadelphia, and was recovering from the combination of an accidental Tylenol overdose (my wisdon teeth pained me so much I lost track and took 25) and a stomach virus. We went to the club, and I was led to a wall, next to X, and made to wait. No one had checked with me about J being involved. If they had, I would have said thanks, but no thanks. I don't dislike J, but never wanted to do a scene with him. (A and I obstensibly did not have an M/s relation, but things got twisted at times. It was that, the blurred boundaries, that led to the destruction of all, and my being given to Sir)
As X and I were being bound to a post, Sir walked in, smiling, and was welcomed by J and A. Apparently, he was to be involved too. Hmmm....I'd been attracted to him for some time, and A knew it. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad...But it was, to a certain extent. J pushed me hard, he hadn't been warned of some of my ticks, and I had trouble not lashing out, I even almost tore the post down at one point. I bit my arm hard enough to brusie for weeks, trying to keep from kicking out (I was blindfolded). Sir was the only one who noticed my struggle, and stopped for a moment to soothe me.
Finally, they were done, and I was led away to a couch by Sir, who folded me in his arms. We talked quietly for a little while, well, he talked, and I listened, in my rather whacked out, faraway state. A left with X, going to the house. A little later on, Sir and I went to the house as well, and made up a bed on the living room floor, A and X had the bed. I had resurfaced by then, and we talked till the sun came up. For the first time in my life, I didn't have sex with someone on first getting involved (I wouldn't have said no, but he held back)
When we slept, we faced each other, his arms wrapped around me. I'd never slept that way with anyone before. We still sleep that way every night.
Four years seems like both a lifetime and a moment. There have been times I've pounded my fists on the walls, desperate to run away, to escape, but I always return to his hand. We almost lost it all once, when I had to leave Escobar, but we built it back up, stronger and more beautiful than before. Every passing day, when I just take a single moment to see, really see, what we have, what we are, fills me with a sense of awe. Four simple years...I can only hope I'm worthy of them, and that he is as happy as I am.
After such a life, I am at peace.
Wow.
Shopping for cards today, just my luck, the store was in the midst of re-stocking, so the selection was rather paltry. I did find one for my niece (10 on the 29th), and spent a good 1/2 hour looking through for a card for Sir. It's always hard to find one with an appropriate sentiment that doesn't use words like 'married', husband', or 'wife'. Interestingly, though, I saw quite a few cards geared for lesbians and gays. I almost picked one up, till I realized no, no, while the other figure does have biceps as developed as my own, it is, indeed, male.:) (Buff Jade) (Actually, the word 'companion' felt wrong, coming from me. I take these things entirely to seriously, I know, but people do love the cards I give) While looking through the cards, I indulged in some nostalgia...
The first night together was a Friday night. To this day, we refer to it as The Night From Hell. I knew A had arranged for *something*, but had no idea what. I had just returned from an emergency trip to Philadelphia, and was recovering from the combination of an accidental Tylenol overdose (my wisdon teeth pained me so much I lost track and took 25) and a stomach virus. We went to the club, and I was led to a wall, next to X, and made to wait. No one had checked with me about J being involved. If they had, I would have said thanks, but no thanks. I don't dislike J, but never wanted to do a scene with him. (A and I obstensibly did not have an M/s relation, but things got twisted at times. It was that, the blurred boundaries, that led to the destruction of all, and my being given to Sir)
As X and I were being bound to a post, Sir walked in, smiling, and was welcomed by J and A. Apparently, he was to be involved too. Hmmm....I'd been attracted to him for some time, and A knew it. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad...But it was, to a certain extent. J pushed me hard, he hadn't been warned of some of my ticks, and I had trouble not lashing out, I even almost tore the post down at one point. I bit my arm hard enough to brusie for weeks, trying to keep from kicking out (I was blindfolded). Sir was the only one who noticed my struggle, and stopped for a moment to soothe me.
Finally, they were done, and I was led away to a couch by Sir, who folded me in his arms. We talked quietly for a little while, well, he talked, and I listened, in my rather whacked out, faraway state. A left with X, going to the house. A little later on, Sir and I went to the house as well, and made up a bed on the living room floor, A and X had the bed. I had resurfaced by then, and we talked till the sun came up. For the first time in my life, I didn't have sex with someone on first getting involved (I wouldn't have said no, but he held back)
When we slept, we faced each other, his arms wrapped around me. I'd never slept that way with anyone before. We still sleep that way every night.
Four years seems like both a lifetime and a moment. There have been times I've pounded my fists on the walls, desperate to run away, to escape, but I always return to his hand. We almost lost it all once, when I had to leave Escobar, but we built it back up, stronger and more beautiful than before. Every passing day, when I just take a single moment to see, really see, what we have, what we are, fills me with a sense of awe. Four simple years...I can only hope I'm worthy of them, and that he is as happy as I am.
After such a life, I am at peace.
Wow.
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Date: 2003-06-18 09:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-19 01:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-19 01:56 am (UTC):)
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Date: 2003-06-19 06:25 am (UTC)warmly,
jen
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Date: 2003-06-19 10:43 am (UTC)PS I want to adopt you as the younger sister I never had. I was the youngest -- I always wanted a younger sister. :)
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Date: 2003-06-19 09:44 pm (UTC)Oh, adopt me! Take my niece, too! You'd get to skip labor, the terrible twos...but I warn you, she likes country music:)
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Date: 2003-06-22 05:44 am (UTC)