Ok. Lesson learned - bouncing randomly through LJ at 2am is kind of like stirring a tidepool with a stick, you never know what you'll find. I'm a bit easier in mind about it now, it was just the initial surprise the shook me a bit, as he hasn't had any real internet presence in *years*, and it took me quite a bit of searching to even find his current (if it even still is) address.
Within LJ I'm very easy to find - Sir's last name is his username, and he mentions me frequently. My own username would not be unfamiliar to him, either, I'd been using it publically while we were together. Even outside of LJ he would have no trouble contacting me - he's *had* my contact info - phone, home address, and (I think) email, for years, and has never used it at all. Well, it's actually quite likely he's lost said info, but still, I've never hidden. It's even quite possible he has already found this journal (In which case, hello.) and simply hasn't indicated so, it certainly wouldn't be the first time someone from my past had found me and was reading without my knowledge.
I'm not going to go friends-only. There's no reason to, really. I have nothing to hide. Anything that is entirely too personal, or involves other people whose privacy considerations (or my assumptions thereof) must be respected is already friends only. Rule #1 has always been "Never put anything on the internet that may come back and haunt you".
However, don't let me mislead you into thinking this has no effect on me. It feels like a breeze rifiling through a box of old photographs, split-second images flashing through my mind, a struggle to remember the order of certain events, etc. I'd even given some brief thought to commenting in his journal - there's not a lot of content there, just enough to assure me that it is indeed him. Just a comment to say hello - but I won't, of course, as I don't think it would be productive. It's just there's a certain amount of regret, not in the fact that it's over, as we were startlingly ill-suited, but that it all went down so badly. So many miscommunications and mixed messages, so many things left unsaid or unexplained, so many misdirections, so much putting up a good front, when all was actually falling apart.
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