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It has been an awfully long time since I've written much on M/s dynamics, but this seems more suited to my journal than my column...( Cut for those with no interest in such things )
Nov. 12th, 2003
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Nov. 12th, 2003 11:25 pmThe choice has finally been made, after a lot of self examination of both our parts, talking it over with friends, and I've even discussed it with my parents (we have that sort or relationship, thank gods). Sir and I are not having children - ever. He's doing research on getting a vasectomy (yes, I cleared talking about it on my journal with him first) because from what we've both read, it's easier, less invasive, and less expensive than a tubal ligation. Add that to the very low likelihood of me finding a doctor willing to sterilize me at 26, versus Sir's 35, and it seems like the best choice, and will probably happen sometime next year.
I feel good about this, as if something that's been gently nagging at the back of my mind has finally been put to rest. Life seems more solid now, concrete. I like that a lot.
Our reasons are pretty similar - we like our financial life the way it is, and kids are expensive - and only get more so as they age. We like our schedule the way it is, kids would mean no more running of to Faire every weekend, or spur of the moment trips to Philadelphia, or even out for late-night coffee. We like the expression of our dynamic the way it is, and children would put a serious kink in me greeting him in lingere every evening the way I do now. On the very top of the list though, at least for me, is that I am perfectly content with him being the major focus of my relational attention - which would *have* to change. All it comes down to is that we like what we have, and dislike the thought of it changing. Hmm. No wonder life feels more solid all of the sudden, that's a pretty large statement.
My father thinks we're being "eminently sensible", which is his highest praise. My mother forgets, and gets disappointed all over again, but I just laugh and tell her she's already a grandmother, and not to be greedy:) We haven't really talked about it with his parents, but I fully expect they'll be supportive. I've already gotten liberal doses of "but you'll change your mind!" from some other of his relations, but I just put on my "Oh, is that so?" expression, and they stifle themselves. My favorite question has got to be "But who will take care of you when you're older?", to which I respond "Isn't there a whole genre of literature on how tragic that is for the caretaker?"
I can't get over how content I feel, how settled and safe. This is just so right for us.
I feel good about this, as if something that's been gently nagging at the back of my mind has finally been put to rest. Life seems more solid now, concrete. I like that a lot.
Our reasons are pretty similar - we like our financial life the way it is, and kids are expensive - and only get more so as they age. We like our schedule the way it is, kids would mean no more running of to Faire every weekend, or spur of the moment trips to Philadelphia, or even out for late-night coffee. We like the expression of our dynamic the way it is, and children would put a serious kink in me greeting him in lingere every evening the way I do now. On the very top of the list though, at least for me, is that I am perfectly content with him being the major focus of my relational attention - which would *have* to change. All it comes down to is that we like what we have, and dislike the thought of it changing. Hmm. No wonder life feels more solid all of the sudden, that's a pretty large statement.
My father thinks we're being "eminently sensible", which is his highest praise. My mother forgets, and gets disappointed all over again, but I just laugh and tell her she's already a grandmother, and not to be greedy:) We haven't really talked about it with his parents, but I fully expect they'll be supportive. I've already gotten liberal doses of "but you'll change your mind!" from some other of his relations, but I just put on my "Oh, is that so?" expression, and they stifle themselves. My favorite question has got to be "But who will take care of you when you're older?", to which I respond "Isn't there a whole genre of literature on how tragic that is for the caretaker?"
I can't get over how content I feel, how settled and safe. This is just so right for us.