(no subject)

[jadegirl]

Insomnia has been a problem of late, and if it does again this night, I'm just going to stay up all night, all day tomorrow, and hopefully collapse tomorrow night, in the hopes that that'll set things right. Night after night of a mind that will not shut up has gotten extraordinarily frustrating. I think that the tiniest amount of it was/is actually stress, now somewhat relieved. I'd written a note to the sister I mentioned a few entries back, telling her I knew we'd grown apart, but that'd I'd like to see if we couldn't reverse that process, if she felt moved to. It was a pretty vulnerable space to be in, but her response was warm and welcoming, and I'm looking forward to reacquianting myself with her. She's good people.:)

That vulnerability, reaching out to see if a relation that has been fallow for some time can be salvaged, reminds me of relations that had their start here on LJ. Looking over my calander summer has always been a quiet time for me, especially with travel, but last summer ended with the extended trip to Buffalo, and ever since then I've been really absent. While in Buffalo I think most of my emotional energy was invested in learning the place, then falling madly in love with it, resulting in a distraction not unlike starting a new romance. Thinking of it that way, not being in Buffalo does feel like being apart from a lover, there's a sense of welcoming warmth I get when I think about the place quite similar to how I feel about time with Sir.

I digress. What I'm trying to say is that my distraction and abstraction seem to have resulted in a distance from people very important to me, and I'm feeling that keenly, a sense of possible loss, loneliness, and failure. As autumn comes, so does a renewed sense of purpose, as I finish a gift for a friend that I'd started last winter, and try and find ways to reconnect, to make up for my lack of presence.

Comments

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

It's just so delightful to hear your warm words about Buffalo. My own connection with the place is somewhat tenuous, since my parents moved there while I was in college, and because of job market reasons, it was never a place I was going to be staying. But I hate the fact that so many people who know the place only by (dismisive, weather and decaying-industrial-town based) stereotype think they know all about it, and it makes me feel really good to read your feelings about it, which are far more accurate to my experience.

[jadegirl.livejournal.com]

I've been quite shocked by the responses we get from family and others about our plans to move there. Everyone seems to dismiss our explanations of how much we like it there and concentrate on the weather, which is honestly maddening, considering we lived in Chicago for so long (five years for me, ten for Sir). I've lived through days where it was seventy-five below, walking distance from the lake - weather does *not* scare me. Besides, it's as if people forget we live in the age of central heat!

Of course, we were largely unprepared for what we found, and managed to get lucky, meeting friendly natives who taught us about the rich history of the region.

[jadegirl.livejournal.com]

We drove through Syracuse, and while that doesn't allow for much of an impression, it did seem a lot more like what we expected - more industrial in aesthetic, at least. The sheer number of pro-life billboards was a little scary too!

We fell pretty well prepared for getting around, thanksto both our experience dealing with Chicago snowfall, which usually (the weather's been so odd everywhere in the past few years I'm just not sure of it anymore) starts in October and ends in late March, and our location choices, since I've decreed we can live no more than 11/2 miles from the Lexington Food Co-Op. I'm still not learning how to drive, and that's about as far as I'm willing to walk for a loaf of bread.:)

We've been looking at house on realty sites. While we don't think it'll happen for another three years or so, we're getting *very* tempted, especially with the housing market tanking.

Added her, and thank you!

[chelseagirl.livejournal.com]

The housing market there has been relatively low all along -- a big part of the reason my parents decided to stay there instead of moving back to the Hudson Valley (nearer me!!!) on retiring. They paid $100,000 for a small 3 br in the 'burbs within the last ten years and I'm told some of the adorable older places in the city are actually cheaper because people aren't lining up for them.

Excellent! I think you guys will have a lot in common as well. (I just deleted my comment, because I got paranoid that I shouldn't specify people's locations to the broader LJ audience, but wanted to make the connection between the two of you. :-) )

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Life goes on cycles, and we are more present in others' lives during some cycles than in others. That said, I have missed you, and I hope we can get together, soon.

[jadegirl.livejournal.com]

Would your work schedule allow for a visit to the knitting group at 47th St and Vernon Blvd? It meets Tuesday from 6-9pm, and is about three blocks up from a 7 stop, and two blocks away from my local bike shop, Spokesman Cycles (http://www.spokesmancycles.com/).

Missed you too.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Tuesday's at 6 is too early; even if I left work an hour early to catch the 5:13 train to Penn Station, I wouldn't get to Manhattan until just after 6. (I ran into that same problem with my initial search for a photography club, too.)

What do knitting groups do, anyway? I may look for one that fits my schedule. My interest in yarnwork seems to follow the seasons: the cooler the weather, the more likely I am to be caught knitting or crocheting.

[quotamour.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry about your insomnia. =(

Here's something to think about: coral calcium may, for some reason, help you to sleep. I started taking 2 coral calciums with my evening meal at night, because I'd been told that it tends to calm down anxiety (I have PTSD). I actually do notice a difference in my sleep between when I take it and don't take it. I think it works (against insomnia)....

*hugs*

[jadegirl.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the recommendation, I'll certainly be looking into it!

[violent-solace.livejournal.com]

It feels very good to hear this.

[jadegirl.livejournal.com]

*smiles* I'm glad.