Mmph.

I was planning on doing a top to bottom kitchen cleaning today - I feel like I want to get the house into a particularly good state both before I start trying to taclke some major internal works-in-progress, and so I can get back to a more even schedlue. However, as I was filling up the sink to soak some things, I noticed my feet were wet. Looking down, I half expected small amphibians to saunter by. There was a huge, obscenely cheerful, fountainous leak under the kitchen sink.

Again.

So, call maintenance, point out that my undersink cabinet could be used as a kiddie pool, and the tenant below me probably hadn't planned on a waterfall in his kitchen design, so could they please hurry? They hurried, as I hurried as well, trying to lay down enough towels. I don't *own* enough towels. When they got here, and were emptying out the sink, they broke one of my last drinking glasses. Mmm. After about two hours the leak was fixed, but rather a mess was left behind. Mmhmm.

I'm doing a major pruge of random stuff, tins my mother sends me (I find pretty ones useful for keeping pastries fresh, but some of the ones she sends are...interesting. And not in a good way.) Baking pans I don't use...What am I doing with a muffin pan in the shapes of playing card symbols? Does anyone need 3 springform pans, all of the same size? I've never made a cheesecake in my life - I live with a native New Yorker, I'd be a fool to try. Why do I keep candles that have maybe thirty seconds of burn time left? I never used to be a pack rat. It's like I realized I'd be living here for a while, so I suddenly decided to accumulate. Well, accumulation makes keeping things clean and uncluttered difficult, and I'd rather have to deal with the clutter of a faery figurine collection, or several thousand books (and you think I'm exaggerating) than burned out candles, or oddly shaped pie pans.

Part of me worries I'm using housecleaning to didge the needed work on my internal housecleaning, but I'm trying and experiment - the internal and external as metaphors for each other, the enactment of the physical as a setting of intention for the more ephemeral. Overly enthusiastic pipe leaks notwithstanding, of course.

(no subject)

I had dreams about the kitchen pipes leaking last night. Mmm. I awoke in the middle of the night and came out to check, sure it wasn't actually a dream, and Sir would have to swim to get his morning coffee. Luckily, it's just my mind having a sense of humor.

Since it seems that people might be interested in some of the things I'm getting rid of, I'm going to start posting lists of whatever isn't junk, free to a good home.

Tired. The kitchen is nearly done though, just a cabinet to sort out - it's the spice and tea cabinet, and so resists all attempts to keep it organized, as whatever spice or tea we're looking for is invariably at the back. Someday, someday, we're going to have the kitchen gutted and redone, with cabinetry custom made to our needs. Oh, that will be nice.

I'm a little discouraged, though - I had thought I'd have the whole house done in a week (a crackheaded schedule, to be sure, but I managed to convince myself quite well), but it's going to take rather longer. Ah, well. I'll be really happy with it when it's all done, so that's what I focus on.

I was reading a magazine article last night on women's 'success stories' - four profiles of women who according to the article where a diverse sampling of success. A VP for a cosmetics company, CEO of Big Brothers/Bog Sisters Miami, an internet consultant, and a doctor. Hmmm. It seemed to be a rather narrow definition of success, concentrating on their professional accomplishments and the fact that they had done this with families as well (all but one).

My personal idea of my own success is rather modest. I want a spotless house with beautiful things in it, time to engage in my arts and spiritual practices, and all the time with Sir I can get. I want to live gently, doing as little harm to the world as possible, try to undo what harms I can, and in general just live a quiet, simple life. Oh, and a dog. I want a dog. Or three. It seems that this is an odd notion of success, which doesn't suprise me much, considering the values of much of our society. However, it makes me happy, and the closer I get to it, the more I understand that's it's all on me, just a matter of my learning how to put things in the proper order/perspective, the happier I am.