Jul. 9th, 2004

jadegirl: (Default)
I'm observing my own introversion of late, and it seems like it's starting to extend into most arena, even this one. Some very dear people are going through hard times, and while I want to wave a magic wand and make it all better, I can't, and so stare at the 'post comment' page, typing, deleting, typing again, and finally just closing the window with a sigh, shaking my head at my own impotence. I need to get over that, though - it's all about *me*, and my feelings of impotence, rather than them, and I don't want to make my own issues a cause of distance.

I've always been introverted, but it's almost getting extreme. I'm loathe to do anything that involves being around other people, other than a bit of window shopping or sitting at a cafe. Clubs, events? Shoot me now. I don't really know what causes it, general shyness, a dislike of being in a situation where I need to be social, a strong preference for either Sir's company, or the silence of my own mind. It's going too far though, I think - although there's some resistence to that idea in my mind...I like the intense quiet of my life, "it's not broken, don't fix it".

That's coming up in a lot of ways right now. While I can quickly adapt to change and become content with largely anything given enough time, change is something I have trouble with. I've got a tropism for stability after all. However, Sir has begun to feel like certain things need to change, and I can obviously see his points, they all make sense. However, lots of things will have to change, including some things *I'm* quite happy with. It's a struggle, because while I can see he (and I, truly) should have these other things in our lives as well, I like the way things are, and value stability over anything else.

I've got to spend some time figuring out how to come out of this shell, what this shell is....

On another note, Happy Birthday [livejournal.com profile] silme!!!

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jadegirl

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