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Nov. 10th, 2003 03:51 amOof. I don't feel so good. When Sir got home yesterday he commented on my resembelance to a chipmunk, but I hadn't even noticed that, so distracted was I by the symptoms of an infection I seem to always have, to the point where my doctor has given me an unlimited scrip for antibiotics (which I rarely take, as I know too much about super-bacteria, but sometimes I must). Lucky for me, I seem to have gotten the infection symptoms under control, and am now quite fascinated by my sinuses. Why is it always my sinsuses all of the sudden? I'd been having such good luck with staying well, and this year has seriously broken my streak. Hmm. The depression might be/probably is related, in a chicken or egg sort of way. Meanwhile, someone set up the ginseng-green tea-lemongrass IV, please?
I feel like I've crossed a sort of threshold, emotionally and spiritually. While I've no doubt I will backslide, disappoint myself, and otherwise mess up in the future, right now I feel lightened, free of a lot of the things that I looked at and said "You are dragging me down - I do not need you any more." A series of good pointers from friends, wise advice, support, and my own efforts really seem to have helped me move forward, and as one friend pointed out "As a man thinketh..." I feel really good, and very grateful to all of you who have helped.
Part of this threshold seems to have added a spark to my creative endeavors, I've been feeling a strong desire to get my hands into something intricate, complex and more advanced than anything I've done till now. Amusingly, my brain immediatly goes to *pastry*! It's understandable, since I love the alchemy of science and art that goes into it, but it still amuses me. I also have some ideas for drawings I want to try, in a style very much not my own. It is rather annoying, though that no sooner do I start to feel more inspired to push myself than I get sick. Humph. I suppose this will just teach me to hold on to such things, store the energy up, as it were.
The monthly Chruch of Craft meeting was yesterday, and it was great fun, I wound up talking to a girl from Astoria, not too far from me, and hopefully we'll get together soon, as we have a lot in common. I also talked more with the woman who runs the NY CoC, and she's going to be borrowing my philosophy background to help polish up some materials for publication, and I'm going to start looking into grants for us. More about my involvement in the church and my hopes for it in another post though, as my thinking is awfully slowed right now.
I'm just feeling really good right now, illness aside - I feel like I really managed to break through some of the old patterns of thought that were holding me back, and although this feels almost premature, I think I've really made great progress on the problems I was just writing about the other day. While I do not doubt I'll need to work more on it, it's nice to have feelings like this that I can look back on when progress seems like a far off dream.
I feel like I've crossed a sort of threshold, emotionally and spiritually. While I've no doubt I will backslide, disappoint myself, and otherwise mess up in the future, right now I feel lightened, free of a lot of the things that I looked at and said "You are dragging me down - I do not need you any more." A series of good pointers from friends, wise advice, support, and my own efforts really seem to have helped me move forward, and as one friend pointed out "As a man thinketh..." I feel really good, and very grateful to all of you who have helped.
Part of this threshold seems to have added a spark to my creative endeavors, I've been feeling a strong desire to get my hands into something intricate, complex and more advanced than anything I've done till now. Amusingly, my brain immediatly goes to *pastry*! It's understandable, since I love the alchemy of science and art that goes into it, but it still amuses me. I also have some ideas for drawings I want to try, in a style very much not my own. It is rather annoying, though that no sooner do I start to feel more inspired to push myself than I get sick. Humph. I suppose this will just teach me to hold on to such things, store the energy up, as it were.
The monthly Chruch of Craft meeting was yesterday, and it was great fun, I wound up talking to a girl from Astoria, not too far from me, and hopefully we'll get together soon, as we have a lot in common. I also talked more with the woman who runs the NY CoC, and she's going to be borrowing my philosophy background to help polish up some materials for publication, and I'm going to start looking into grants for us. More about my involvement in the church and my hopes for it in another post though, as my thinking is awfully slowed right now.
I'm just feeling really good right now, illness aside - I feel like I really managed to break through some of the old patterns of thought that were holding me back, and although this feels almost premature, I think I've really made great progress on the problems I was just writing about the other day. While I do not doubt I'll need to work more on it, it's nice to have feelings like this that I can look back on when progress seems like a far off dream.
